I came out to my parents when I was 18, in northern Ireland, back in 2002. They were cool, but I don’t think it was easy for them. We lived in a tiny village and I was out of there quick-sharp. My Dad was clear the only thing he worried about was my future as an adult, that everything would be harder for me. In some ways it is, in other ways it’s not. Perhaps you could reach out to someone who has either had the same experience as you, or an older gay person that does understand the world your son will inevitably be navigating. Not so much for you to be in a position to advise, but maybe to understand and empathise. Don’t feel bad about anything your feeling, I think it’s all normal. The conflicting or contradictory feelings will settle in time, when you see that it isn’t abnormal, it’s just a different normal.